Annoyingly Appreciative
Let there be light over dark
Everything has been annoying me lately. When my moan of “Ugh, that’s so annoying!” for the 10th time of the day also annoys me, a flickering of self-examination occurs.
Is everything and everyone annoying Kari, or are you the annoying one?
I fight back of course. I’m a fighter. “Oh come on,” I rally, “that car taking the turn like a turtle _is_ annoying! The door handle grabbing my pocket and lurching me back _is_ annoying. My kids not doing dishes _is_ annoying. The package of rice not opening is annoying but even more annoying, when it bursts open sending rice kernels flying everywhere.
Life can be damn annoying.
Are you annoyed by the amount of times I can write annoying in 100 words? I am.
Deep breath woman. Deep breath with self-reflection, some critical thinking, and a sprinkling of get-over-yourself.
I suppose I could stay stuck in that cycle of complaint. But I’ve learned things over the years. Grown wiser I suppose. But being pulled from the fury by my own self-appraisal also happens to be annoying if I’m honest. Because applying these lessons is hard work. Looking at things objectively and taking ownership for my part in it, humbling. Accepting that annoyances arise from my own perception of the world, not from the acts themselves, is something only I have the power to change.
I know I need to be better, so I begrudgingly begin it. By focusing on the sparks of joy in my day rather than the irritating. Less mental energy to the aggravating, more attention to the uplifting.
It doesn’t happen in a finger snap my friends. I know this. The brain rebels and wants to stay grumpy. But I also know that veering my energy towards tiny moments of wonder lessons the moments of frustration, which in turn brings more beauty, which decreases the aggravations all the more. A positive cycle of growth, even when I stubbornly try to deny it.
This week I start the shift, taking note of the delights, and notice my patience expanding in tandem. Let’s be real, it’s not a perfect system. I still yell my angst at the jaywalker. But in relearning (always relearning) the lesson of attention, an abundance of awe arises before me. Not in the rare and extraordinary, but in the simple pleasures of my everyday. Wonders all the same:
1. Late evening pink clouds
2. Feeling strong hiking up
3. Steak & mango salad
4. Bushwacking to a new view, a different perspective enlivening me
5. Fresh basil, ripe avocado, warm tomato and sea salt flakes
6. Rains after a forest fire threatens
7. Slug orgy curiosity
8. Realizing I need heavier dumbbells
9. Lavender latte before bed
10. Foxgloves & buttercups on my walk (but when I go look at picture of it, realize it’s foxgloves and nippleworts which only magnifies the delight)
11. Sweet/salty craving curbed by Date Snickers with flakes of salt
12. Collywobbles
13. Lego building my Mother’s Day gift
14. Coralroot orchids dotted along the mossy Pacific Northwest forest
15. @kevinyeedotcom ’s post about craving whimsy. Yes please!
16. Newly seeded grass thriving, then laughing when our townhome landscapers give it a mohawk.
17. Meeting up with old friends & colleagues
18. Opening a book that has never been opened with pages that give the most satisfying crackle and scent
19. Hugging a Hemlock that seemed to be calling me
20. A red-winged blackbird swooping onto a reed before me and singing its call.
Simple moments that mean everything. All because I took a moment to notice. Both aiding in my own growth, and as a micro resistance to the culture of hate going around. What mini-moments of delight brought light into your day recently? I’d love to hear!